Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Randomize
