watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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