it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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