I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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