70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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