We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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