I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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