i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
