That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
