2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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