So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
