Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
