were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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