Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
