i was born a porn star she said
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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