he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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