my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
