She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
