This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
