Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
mondays should just be called national damage control day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
