a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
did you just send me my own nude
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
