return my video game
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
