So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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