I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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