wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
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I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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