I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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