He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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