he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
