whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
