I wanna passion pit in your ass
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
