I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
