Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
