She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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