That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
