And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
