Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
