Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
