I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
