Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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