hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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