So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
