you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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