bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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