____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
