Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
