I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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