please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
