You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Houston, we have a blender
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
