You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
