How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize