Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
