i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
