Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
