I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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