Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
