Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
