He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
tell me about the eggs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
