adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
