tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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