so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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