I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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