Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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