I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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