I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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