i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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