Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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