I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
