I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I need to wash the frat house off of me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
