Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
