The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize