Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Houston, we have a blender
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
