I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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